Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
no you cant smoke seaweed
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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