It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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