Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
