Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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