I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
