Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
