I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
