I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
