I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
