Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
