sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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