now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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