I have demons in me.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
