these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
