He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
