The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
