I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
