she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
