i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
