I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
