i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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