Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize