We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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