Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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