I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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