I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
