my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I love you. Go after that dick
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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