I only kidnapped one of them. chill
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
