I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
