My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Pants are for mortals
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
