so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
