Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm both gender and math confused
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize