so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
