You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
