It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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