I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
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