he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
