Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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