Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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