Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
