Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
