Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
