Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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