He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
