Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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