no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
