I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
