You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
His hands were made for my vagina.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
