how can u be prego again
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize