good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize