i need an iv and a liver transplant
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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