When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
