He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
