Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
God, you're like boner-b-gone
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
