I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
