The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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