i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize