Ambien. No doubt about it.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
