I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
