youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Randomize
