if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
