Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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