I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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