You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
