so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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