This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
