Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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