We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
