he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Edward fifth and chaser hands
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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