It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize