You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
