have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
