I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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