I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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