So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
