so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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