he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
