My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
this just has baby written all over it
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
