Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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