Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
