Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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