I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
