Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
