Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We left an ass print on the piano.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
