I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
