We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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