All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
