When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
