i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
COCAINE IS GR8
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
