I think I died a long time ago.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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