I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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