If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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