One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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