ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
