Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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