Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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