Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
