my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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