What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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