??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
