my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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